


One Step Forward Two Steps Back

by andysbrandy



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Family Angst, M/M, Time Travel, both hawkes are purple bc i love those sarcastic assholes, lots of confusion when someone yells 'hawke!', pretty much everybody else in da2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-03-25 05:09:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3797941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andysbrandy/pseuds/andysbrandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke is supposed to be dead, or at least trapped in the Face. She should definitely not be in Kirkwall, and Kirkwall should definitely not look ten years younger. If she has to relive Kirkwall so be it, this time she can do it right, but who the hell is Garrett Hawke and why is he trying to do her job?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Marian

Marian Hawke was _pissed._

 

The last thing she remembered was that freakishly large spider trying to kill her with its disgusting spiky feet. She'd run out of arrows and just started hitting it with her bow, feeling a rush of relief as she watched Alistair and Lavellan dive through the fade portal to safety, and one of guilt as she thought of leaving Fenris alone. 

 

So she was probably dead.

 

But that wasn't what pissed her off.

 

What pissed her off was that her afterlife looked like _Kirkwall._  

 

Dark smelly Lowtown Kirkwall complete with mercenaries eyeing her hungrily and Lady Elegants's potions shop in the corner. 

 

Hawke had hoped for a warm beach, or a cozy cabin somewhere, the last place she wanted to spend eternity was in Kirkwall, and she certainly didn't want to spend it fighting some idiotic merc's who were getting ready to rob the silly little girl walking alone at night.

 

Nevermind that she was armed to the teeth and covered in spider gore.

 

There were only five of them, and the final two ran after Hawke took out the first three. She didn't even have to draw her knives.

 

She eyed the bodies around her and decided this probably was not the afterlife, because where the hell did people who died here go? And why would it smell so damn bad?

 

Unless the maker actually had a sense of humor, it was probably safe to assume she was still alive, however miserable.

 

She followed the two that ran with practiced stealth, because she already knew they were trouble, and she also really felt the need to hit something right now.

 

But she never got the chance.

 

As she rounded the corner, Hawke recognized the ever-familiar sounds and sights of magic, and the two dead bodies wearing the mercs patchwork uniform. The spells she saw being used were familiar, as was the mage, warm brown eyes and heart shaped face looking sweet as ever, even covered in someone else's blood. 

 

Bethany's Grey Warden uniform no longer looked awkward on her, she had stopped hunching her shoulders when she walked, stopped trying to hide herself, because she no longer had anything to hide from. 

 

Hawke met her eyes and Bethany daintily stepped over the body of a dead mercenary to reach her sister. 

 

"Marian!" She exclaimed, and ran towards her, squeezing her into a quick hug and then pulling back just far enough to make eye contact. 

 

"Do you know what's going on?" Bethany asked earnestly. 

 

Hawke squeezed her back tightly, she hadn't seen her sister in over a year and it felt good to hold her again. 

 

"I was going to ask you that, Bethy, you _are_ the mage"

 

Bethany rolled her eyes and shrugged. "It's probably magic, but it's not the fade, I know that much."

 

"So I'm definitely _not_ dead,” Hawke muttered. 

 

"What?" Bethany tightened her grip on Hawke's shoulder. "Wh would you be dead? I thought you were helping Varric?"

 

"Since when was me helping Varric not life threatening?" Hawke smirked and Bethany just sighed. She looked so old, although she didn't yet share Marian's grey streaks. 

 

"Well, we're in Lowtown," Bethany continued, "my least favorite place."

 

"More than the gallows?" Hawke joked.

 

Bethany cracked a smile at that, and spun her staff onto her back.

 

Hawke knelt down beside the dead mercenaries, and pulled a bow and quiver off the skinnier one. Knives were nice, but stealth might prove the best method for dealing with... whatever this was.

 

"Well we are in Kirkwall" Marian said as they started walking, "Should we try back home?"

 

Bethany just nodded, eyed scanning the area for any other gangs who might try to catch them by surprise. 

 

Hawke remembered the last time she'd been in that house. After Bethany had left it had been tough, but being there after mother died...

 

She would have moved if the house hadn't held so much of what had been lost.

 

Most nights after that had been spent in Fenris's mansion after that, or she would stay overnight in Ander's clinic for any minor injury. She'd passed out drunk in the hanged man more than once and woken up in Varric or Isabela’s bed. They all knew why she did it, why she couldn't just go back to her nice estate in Hightown and be happy and rich. 

 

Now the estate was gone, but so was everywhere else. Or at lease it should be, but here she was, walking through parts of Lowtown that she knew had been destroyed. Places she had helped destroy.

 

"This is weird.” she said aloud.

 

"That's one word for it." Bethany agreed, as they passed out of the slums and into the market place.

 

The gangs out tonight looked at them curiously, but Bethany pulled her staff back out and carried it at her side, willing the stone on top to glow lightly. Not even the stupidest of mercenary groups wouldn't go up against a Grey Warden mage if they had any brains.

 

They made it to Hightown without another fight, and Hawke knew something was wrong. Based on the shops and active gangs she'd seen, this wasn't the Kirkwall Marian had left. It was older, from before the Qunari, before the war. It was dangerous and smelly, but untouched by the battles Hawke had fought in (and maybe started). 

 

And the Hawke estate was dark. 

 

Marian crouched by the door and pulled out her lock picks while Bethany stood watch, twirling her staff nervously. 

 

"I don't like this," Bethany said. 

 

"I'm starting to have an idea what might have happened" Hawke replied, thinking of the inquisition, the stories of a dark future told by Varric's wild tongue that she hadn't believed at the time. If the inquisitor could go see possible futures, why wouldn't it be possible to go see things that already happened?

 

"What do you think-" Bethany started to ask, but the lock clicked and a smuggler lookout woke from his nap by the door and blinked in surprise.

 

Marian ducked and the smuggler was thrown backwards by a force bolt.

 

Hawke loved Fenris, she did, but _makers balls_ did she miss having a mage at her back. 

 

"Thanks" she said, sliding into the dark house. 

 

"Remember when our house was occupied by smugglers?" Hawke whispered in the empty front hallway. More whispers and sounds of shuffling came from further in the house.

 

"The slavers, yes of course." Bethany said.  "And remember how we couldn't fight them because we weren't skilled enough?"

 

Hawke smirked and drew a knife. "Ah the good old days." She said, and turned to the house. 

 

Bethany caught her wrist and pulled her back.

 

"I still don't know what's going on sister, why are the smugglers here?"

 

Hawke faced her sister and sighed, "Quick version: When I was, uh- helping Varric, there was some stories I heard about people getting displaced into different timelines. The inquisitor says he was thrown forward in time and saw some apocalyptic future or something. I thought Varric was just spinning some wild tale to raise the stakes, but I don't know Bethy, this looks a lot like what Varric described."

 

"The Inquisitor?"

 

Hawke bit her tongue. "I told you I was helping out Varric. He was helping out the Inquisition. You know how much we love helping."

 

Bethany huffed in the way that meant they would be talking about this later, but she moved on. 

 

"I've heard about time magic. It's ancient, dangerous and requires a ridiculous amount of power. Or blood. And that's for short periods; this looks like _years_ , and why are we in Kirkwall? We should still be in the physical place we were when the spell was cast."

 

"And where were you?" Hawke had to ask. She'd been in the fade; it wasn't technically a physical place. 

 

"I was-" Bethany paused. There was a rift near the village Aveline and Donnic had taken me and demons kept pouring out everyday. I thought maybe if I went inside, went into the fade, I could close it, or at least take out enough demons to give the town a relief."

 

Of course. Hawke rolled her eyes and smiled. "You're too damned kind, baby sister." She said. Hawke used to worry Bethany's empathy would get her killed, but she'd seen Bethany fight when she was angry, and decided her sister was tough enough without having to be another angsty prick.

 

"And where were you?" Bethany's voice asked suspiciously.

 

"Oh. Me too. The fade, I mean." At least now she could rationalize it. If the spell couldn't send them to a physical place, it would make sense to send them here. A place they both remembered.

 

"And what were _you_ doing in the fade. I thought you said you were helping the Inquisition."

 

"I was. I was helping the Inquisition in the fade."

 

"And what was the Inquisition doing in the fade?" Bethany said shortly.

 

"Fighting giant spiders, what else?"

 

"You hate the fade, why would you-" Bethany was cut short as Hawke tackled her.

 

Their voices had been rising steadily since the argument had begun, and they had both seemed to have forgotten they were in the front hall of a house filled with armed illegal smugglers.

 

They both his the ground hard, and the arrow Hawke had heard whistling embedded itself harmlessly in the wall behind where Bethany's head had been.

 

"Shit!" They said in unison, and Hawke drew her own bow.

 

"Wait," Bethany said, grabbing her and pulling her behind the wall. 

 

"If this is the past, we shouldn't fight them, it could affect the future."

 

"Why is that a bad thing? The future _sucks_."

 

"Marian."

 

"Fine." Hawke made a dramatic show of putting the bow back on her back, and Bethany threw up an ice wall between them and the smugglers. 

 

"That's going to cause water damage Hawke scolded her as they ran out the front door. 

 

"Would you have rather me used fire?".

 

"Point taken" Hawke said as they rounded another corner. She looked up and felt a strange emotion. She'd taken them to Fenris's mansion, mostly on subconscious memory of walking there so many times. A candle was burning in the room he always sat in, and she had to swallow down the urge to run in there and apologize for things she hadn't even done here, might not ever do. 

 

"We should go to Anders." Bethany interrupted her thoughts. 

 

"Yeah." Hawke agreed, still staring at the mansion. Going to Fenris was risky; depending on the year... well he had changed a lot. Walking into his house in the dead of night smelling of spider guts and speaking of time travel would have very unpredictable outcomes. 

 

She turned her back on the mansion and started on the almost as familiar path to Anders's clinic.

 

They took the sewers to dark town. Hawke no longer had any desire to antagonize the lingering mercenaries, and it's not like she could smell any worse. 

 

The clinic doors were closed, locked and bolted shut, but Hawke could still see a sliver of light escaping through the cracks in the old wood.

 

She'd replaced those doors herself, after she'd gotten the money, kept his supplies stocked and tipped his assistants back when the clinic still existed, before Anders had started a war. 

 

She didn't even bother picking the lock; she knew Anders would answer, especially if he was still awake. He would recognize her, but would also see the greying streaks in her hair and the wrinkles starting to form around her eyes, but Bethany had been right. Anders was a lot more likely to believe the story of time magic than Fenris. Even in her time he would be untrusting, now he might call blood magic or demons and try to kill them. That would be awkward.  

 

Hawke knocked out a melody to a song, and although the songs changed, Anders always knew it was her.

 

But it wasn't Anders who answered; it was a very tired looking and blood-spattered dwarf with a crossbow and a ponytail. 

 

"Clinic's closed for the night" Varric said, scanning them up and down to make sure they weren't in any immediate danger of dying. "Try coming again in a few hours." 

 

Hawke was taken aback. She definitely hadn't changed so much that _Varric_ wouldn't recognize her, and Anders never turned away people who showed up on his doorstep covered in gore, even if it was the early morning hours. Unless...

 

"Varric?" A different, unfamiliar voice called from inside. "Who's there?"

 

Another man stuck his head out from behind a wall, and Varric stepped back enough for Hawke to see him clearly.

 

He had jet-black hair and a beard of the same color covering most of his face. His eyes were brown, but almost a yellowy brown like Bethany's, and even his face looked oddly familiar, like she had seen him before but couldn't bring the memory to the front of her mind. And his voice, it sounded almost like her _fathers'_."

 

"We're friends of Anders." Hawke assured the strange Varric, and pushed her way into the room before he could stop her.

 

The man behind the wall had ducked away, and Hawke pushed past. If Varric didn't recognize her something was wrong, something was very very wrong. She needed to see Anders, needed him to recognize her, needed him to tell her what was happening, and how to fix it because if she had to relive Kirkwall she would probably just go on a murdering spree. 

 

She turned the corner, Bethany at her heels and saw Aveline, muscular arms crossed and the only one standing up. At her side she carried Wesley's shield, and her uniform was that of a guard, not the Captain. The bearded man leaned back in a chair, and raised an eyebrow when Marian walked in, but didn't make a move to stop her. A staff leaned against the wall, easily in reach, and she recognized the feigned relaxation that she too practiced. She had no doubt that that man could be in a fight to the death in a half second if she made a move.  

 

And then there was Anders, dirty yellow bangs falling in his face as he leaned over a cot, blue healing magic working its way down a mans leg, not even looking up when she entered. He trusted Varric and Aveline and the man in the corner to keep him and his patient safe. Safe from her.

 

They man grunted agitatedly and pushed himself up with his elbows to see who had walked in. She met his icy blue eyes and her heart stopped. 

 

Because there, looking pissed off with an arrow in his leg and a scowl on his face, was a ghost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i'm the type of gamer who counts their first playthrough as the 'canon' playthrough, and that's rouge Marian who hooks up w/ Fenris. Now i'm playing through again with mage Garrett and making much better choices because i already fucked everything up w/ marian.
> 
> Don't ask me how Bethany being there makes sense it doesn't i know that but if bioware can make up some bullshit excuse on why she isn't in inquisition i can make one up for why she's in my shitty fanfic ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. Garrett

If the girl had been alone, everything would have been strange enough. She was covered in blood and guts and some other bodily fluid he didn't even recognize because it was _green_.

 

But despite all the gore, she looked almost completely unscathed. That meant she was very very good at killing things. And had no reason to be in a clinic at 3 in the morning.

 

She barged into the "room" (which was really just a couple hastily hung curtains around a corner) and silently scanned all their faces, lingering on his longer than felt necessary. Garrett was careful not to show it, but he tensed up, getting ready to fight this stranger if she attacked. 

 

Carver grunted and sat up to see who had entered, and the second their eyes met, she stumbled backwards as if Carver had struck her. 

 

"Carver" the girl exhaled, hardly audible. 

 

Carver crocked an eyebrow. "Do I know you?" He asked, and she stumbled backwards into another girl. 

 

That's when Garrett saw her. 

 

As if things couldn't get weirder. 

 

 _Bethany_ caught the other girls hand as she tried to run, and pulled her back. 

 

"Bethy, please, we have to go-" the girl said urgently, but Bethany didn't budge. She was staring at Carver as if Carver had been the one brought back from the dead, instead of her. 

 

Aveline pushed off the wall she'd been leaning on and put a hand on her sword hilt. She had watched Bethany die; she knew how wrong this was. Anders had stopped healing and the lack of eerie blue light allowed him to notice that Bethany didn't look at all like the Bethany they'd last seen, her face was sharper, her eyes were older, and, was she wearing _Grey Warden robes_?

 

"We need to go" the other girl said, harsher this time, and Garrett stopped staring at Bethany to look at what the other girl was scared of.

 

Anders backed away from the bed and gripped his staff with white knuckles, staring daggers at Bethany. 

 

"Warden." He snarled at her. "You will not take me, I will not come back."

 

"Anders, you know I would never-" Bethany sounded hurt, like she'd known Anders, been his _friend_. 

 

Maker, he missed the sound of her voice. 

 

"Bethany." The other girl cut her off, but didn't say anything more, just kept glancing between everyone in the room. 

 

Garrett decided everything was tense enough. 

 

He stood up and moved between the girls in the entrance and his own friends. Bethany's eyes shot to his when he blocked Anders and Carver from view, but seeing him didn't get the same reaction as anyone else had gotten. 

 

"And you are?" He asked lightly, as if he wasn't asking the question to his dead baby sister. They were demons; they had to be, here to tempt him with a world where Bethany was alive. But he knew this wasn't the fade, and Anders had been very certain of her status as a Grey Warden. Still, it didn't hurt to ask. 

 

"It doesn't matter who we are." The older girl said before Bethany could answer. "We just need to talk to Anders." Her eyes flicked to Carver. "Alone."

 

Garrett stood up before Anders could respond. 

 

"Not a chance." He said. Anders was drained, that much was obvious. They'd woken him up in the middle of the night and had him use all his mana to fix up Carver. Even if the girls weren't demons, anyone who wanted to kill Anders right now wouldn't have much trouble from him.

 

"Who even _are_ you?" The older girl asked, which was fine, but Bethany's little nod that meant she didn't recognize him either. That hurt. A lot. 

 

"Tonight, I'm Ander's personal bodyguard. And we're going to talk right over there." He said, and gestured to the other side of the clinic. Far enough away no one could hear them, but close enough for Varric to put a bolt in both of them if they so much as made a move. 

 

Anders relaxed and lowered his staff. 

 

"Just let me finish up." He said exhaustedly, pulling the arrow out of Carvers leg and closing the wound in one smooth motion. 

 

Aveline watched them walk away, she'd be watching them the entire time no doubt, but she would be too far away to do anything.

 

The other girl leaned against the wall of the clinic and rubbed her forehead.

 

"Okay wise guy, what's your name?" She asked again, and Garrett didn't think it would be smart to make another joke. 

 

"Hawke. Garrett Hawke."

 

The girl looked at Bethany as if he’d introduced himself as Andrastes’ lover. "What the fuck?" She asked, and Bethany shrugged. 

 

She turned back to him and pointed a thumb at Bethany, "Do you know who she is?"

 

"Well she looks suspiciously like a much older version of my dead baby sister, but I can't say for sure." He said sarcastically. 

 

"Makers balls this is fucked up." The girl muttered, and turned to Bethany. "Even if this is time magic, why wouldn't the past's match up? Why does no one recognize me? And who the _fuck_ is this guy supposed to be?" She asked Bethany, completely ignoring him. 

 

"Hi, sorry to interrupt, but would you like to tell me what's going on?" Garrett cut in. "You're who now?"

 

"Marian Hawke" the older girl curtsied sarcastically.  "And from what I gathered, I appear to be you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah sorry this is so short I just wanted to touch on Garrett's internal monologue, but since he's the clueless one here most of the plot heavy stuff will be from Marian's POV since she has some more insight into what's going on, with shorter chapters of reaction like this from Garrett and Carver and maybe some others.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments on the first chapter!


	3. Marian

Seeing the dumbstruck expression on that bearded gits face was oddly... Unsatisfying. Maybe because it looked so much like it was her own face. Minus the scruffy beard and Bethany's eyes. 

 

Hawke- No, Garrett- looked to Anders, who disappointingly seemed just as confused as everyone else.

 

Bethany had been taught to be a Mage in secret, taught spells to fight and how to defend herself against demons, but not lore. And Merrill was, well, Merrill. So Anders used to be Marian's go-to for every magical problem, but her magical problems in those days mostly included stab wounds that needed healing and pulling magical pranks on her annoying noble neighbors. Anders was smart, and had years of circle and Grey Warden training and knowledge, but he wasn't Tevinter. He wouldn't know anything about time magic, and he couldn't get them home. No, for that, Marian needed the help of someone that probably hadn't even grown that ridiculous mustache yet, let alone started studying enough to be of any use. They were stuck here, until either someone came for them, or they sat around for ten years and waited for the world to crack open. Again. 

 

"He's not going to be able to help, I don't even know why we bothered." She said bitterly. 

 

"What other choice did we have?" Bethany countered, ever the optimist. 

 

"Tevinter, the circle, the wardens," Marian started listing. "Or we could always just sit in the hanged man for ten years."

 

"Sorry-" the stupid Hawke cut in. "Ten years? Ten years of what, because if you expect me to believe-"

 

"We're from the future?"

 

"Yeah that. That's ridiculous."

 

"Oh my sweet innocent little-“

 

“I get it, thanks.”

 

“If you'd seen half the crazy shit I'd seen, you'd soil your pants. Or maybe you wouldn't, you are supposed to be me after all."

 

"You've seen time travel before?"

 

"Well not directly, no.” Marian admitted. “This is kind of a first for me too."

 

"You're me?" Garrett asked.

 

"Looks that way."

 

"Prove it." He challenged.

 

"Ok, Well, how about I tell you about the time mother grounded me for tearing up my new dress in a fight?" She offered. "No? What about the time Carver and I snuck into the caverns near Lothering while Bethany was studying, and found a giant spider. Do you remember it being the first thing we ever killed? Still not ringing any bells?"

 

"I am a mage. I studied with Bethany, and I'm fairly sure Carver never single handedly took down a giant spider."

 

"Of course not. Do you think he would ever have explored creepy spider caves on his own?"

 

Garrett smiled at that. "Who got the credit for killing the spider?" He had to ask. 

 

"Carver chucked a rock in its eye, it was an impressive shot. So I let him have it, winning always meant more to him anyway."

 

"Okay. I believe you."

 

"That's it? Cause I have some great stories about bed wetting, and crying those big crocodile tears when we got a scraped knee-"

 

"The bed wetting was one time. And I was seven!"

 

"Lucky bastard."

 

Bethany giggled and Garrett’s heart melted. He never thought he'd ever get to hear that sound again. 

 

"Now what?" Bethany ruined the moment. "Tevinter?"

 

"Not yet." Marian answered. "There's no guarantee that they'll even have what we need. And while we're here..."

 

"Would it be safe to tamper with the past?"

 

"I don't think we could make anything worse." 

 

"So what, do you actually want to just run around and fix everything?"

 

"Pretty much."

 

"Fix what?" Garrett asked exasperatedly. 

 

"You're going to want to get you gang together beardy-Hawke." Marian said. "This is a story I’m not going to tell twice. Or maybe I will, but you’ll all want to get the same version."

 

~~~ 

 

Marian and Bethany agreed to wait until morning to fill everyone in, and ended up spending the night in the hanged man. Anders offered the clinic beds, but they were uncomfortable and small and about ten feet away from Carver, which was not a conversation Marian wanted to have on top of everything else. 

 

Varric walked them there, but Marian could hear Aveline attempting to silently trail them in a full suit of armor and clanking weapons.

 

Marian didn't like this; she didn't like not being trusted, not by these people. Aveline had been a bit apprehensive when they'd first met, but a week cramped in a boat together had bonded them, the next ten years, made them inseparable. Aveline had rebelled against her city and left her job because Hawke had asked. She’d been the only one Marian had trusted to keep Bethany safe, and now Aveline didn't even trust her to not murder her other best friend while walking to a bar. 

 

Varric- well, Varric was even worse. She'd expected him to drill her with questions for his stories, or answer questions about the future, but he stayed silent. The whole things was awkwardly awkward, because if Varric was good at anything it was talking, and Marian didn't think she'd ever felt actually uncomfortable with the dwarf. With her dwarf, at least. But this Varric wasn't hers.

 

Every step she took felt wrong, every missing blood stain, every outdated graffiti tag, every merc and street rat she'd killed because someone had paid them to kill her, wandering around alive, not knowing their future murderer was walking right past them. 

 

Weird. It was weird and that was it, because any more thought into it would drive her mad.

 

 

Varric let them in the back entrance, since a grey warden and a girl covered in green goo was bound to attract unwanted attention, even in eclectic crowds of the Hanged Man. 

 

"I'll go get you two a room." Varric said. "And find you some new clothes." 

 

Varric was kind enough to actually buy them separate rooms, which was more likely a tactic to keep them separated in case of a fight. But even if they didn't trust her, she still trusted them, and having a real life bed to herself definitely didn’t sound like a bad thing, after she remembered she hadn't slept in 2 days.

 

"Knock on my door if they try to kidnap you." Marian yawned to her sister. 

 

"I think I'll just freeze the kidnappers and knock in the morning." 

 

"Whichever." She agreed, and the two walked into their separate rooms. 

 

Marian wanted a nice silky robe to go with her nice soft bed, but there wasn't one. Good thing she wasn't too proud to sleep in the nude, because there was no way was she going to sleep in spider gut-covered pointy armor. 

 

She peeled off her gloves and started undoing the complicated straps off her front, and then-"

 

"Wait, _shit_. Stop!" A voice called from the corner of the room. 

 

Marian had her bow out and an arrow pointed at the voice, but she didn't fire. She knew who it was. 

 

The moon outside shone through a dirty window, but it wasn't enough. Marian put the bow away and reached to light the candle on the dresser. 

 

"I thought you were at the clinic." Marian sighed. She'd hoped to avoid this reunion until tomorrow. She was too damned tired for feelings.

 

"Garrett would have just made a fire ball." The voice said to the candle. 

 

"Well Garrett is a mage." Marian answered.

 

"And you're not."

 

"No." She said, and when the voice didn't reply, she asked; "what do you want?"

 

"I want to-" the voice stuttered. "I want to talk." He said, stepping out of the shadows. 

 

Marian dug her nails into her bare palms to keep from letting out a sob. 

 

"Well I haven't got all night." She said evenly. "If you've come to talk baby brother, then talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hoped you guys liked that because the deadline for my book is in a month and i'm in full on panic mode because I keep writing fanfiction instead of doing my damn job. orz
> 
> I've got one more mini-chapter that I can probably clean up and post sometime in the next week but I won't be properly working on this or any other fanfic until June, sorry! (If you see me updating yell at me because i'm not supposed to.) 
> 
> wish me luck and thanks for reading!


	4. Carver

Marian had invited him to talk, but he couldn't find any words. As soon as she'd left, Anders and Garrett had disappeared, either to whisper about things they thought he hadn't heard, or flirt. Either of which had given him a perfect opportunity to run. He'd sprinted the entire way to the hanged man, determined to beat them, arrow wound screaming with each step. He'd wanted to see Bethany, but he couldn't. What would he say? Sorry he got her killed? Sorry he'd always been jealous? Sorry his last words to her had been "hurry up" because she wasn't moving fast enough. She was the only one who had moved fast enough to save mother when it really mattered. But now she was alive. His apologies meant nothing to her alive. So he went to the other girls’ room, climbed through a window, and waited. Ready to ask his million burning questions, but stumbling over his words the second he had the opportunity. 

 

Carver wouldn't had believed the story if Garrett had told him. He had to figure it out for himself, mostly by overhearing the girl, which wasn't hard because she had practically been yelling. About him. And her face, especially her eyes, looking exactly like his. And Bethany. He wouldn't have believed a word anyone said without Bethany.

 Everything was too different, too wrong he told himself. But maybe it was only because it sounded too good to be true. The way this girl looked at him now, even in the dark, was so different than the way Garrett did. She looked at him like he was the single saddest thing on the planet, but she looked at him with love. He tried to imagine a world where Garrett wasn't a mage, where all those days he'd trained in the yard hadn't been alone. A world where father had asked the oldest to look after the family, instead of the youngest. A world with a sibling who actually had his back, in every scuffle he'd been in as a kid, every time he'd storm off into the woods and come home running fearing wolves. A world where Bethany hadn't died.

 

Marian picked up the candle and looked at his face like he'd wished his mother would. 

 

"I'm sorry." She whispered, barely audible. "First time in my life you'd ever won a race against me."

 

"The Ogre." He knew instantly why she looked at him like he was a ghost. 

 

The girl sighed and collapsed in a chair. "I suppose there's no point in me asking where Bethany is." 

 

"The Ogre." Carver repeated. 

 

"Hm." The girl mused. "I had wondered what it was that caused that little switcheroo." 

 

Jokes. Right now? She was defiantly Garrett's doppelgänger.

 

"'Might have something to do with mages. Or you _not_ being one."

 

"No. It was Ostagar.," The girl said, dropping her joking tone, "You were pissed at me Carver. I was an archer and you were cavalry, but I kept taking out any monster that got close to you. I always had. You never got to fight for glory because I always kept you safe. Then I guess you got sick of it, went after that Ogre to prove something you never needed to. And you were gone."

 

Carver had wished a million times that had happened. He wanted a world with Bethany alive, and he knew Garrett did too, his eyes said it every time he looked at Carver. "What am I- what was I like?" He had to ask.

 

"Honestly? From what I can tell, not all that different." Marian was back to smiling .

 

"Then what was the farm like?" He asked. "All my life, I kept wishing I had someone like me. Someone normal that didn't have to spend all day studying and all night training. I know its selfish to ask, but who did you wish had lived?" He needed to know, he needed someone to not look at him like he was just the absence of Bethany. Someone to actually want him around, to need him. 

 

"You can't honestly expect me to answer that." She said, crossing her arms. 

 

"Why not?" He asked bitterly. "Everyone else did, and look at you, you're doing fine without me, Garrett would be fine too if I disappeared." 

 

"Stop being so damn dramatic." She scolded. "Maybe he would be, maybe he wouldn't. Just because he may not need you, doesn't mean he doesn't want you around. That's how we always worked."  She paused and rubbed her forehead. Just like Garrett did.

 

"You were my best friend Carver. My only friend really, since we moved around so much." She said.  "Losing you was the worst feeling in the world, and it was my fault. Bethany was too damn sweet to blame me out loud, but I'm willing to bet you've called your brother out. So cut your him some slack, because if him losing Bethany was half as hard on him as me losing you, he's going to be beating himself up already." 

 

Carver blinked in shock and didn't say a word. 

 

she didn't wait for him to collect his thoughts. "Well, thanks for stopping by and dragging up decade old feelings" she said sarcastically. "But I'm exhausted and you're in between me and bed." She gestured behind him.

 

He turned to leave without a word, but she stood up.

 

“Hold on,” She said. "I just-" she stuttered, crossing the room in two quick strides. "I always wished I would have done this before you..." She trailed off, and wrapped her arms around him, buried her head into his shoulder and squeezed surprisingly tight. Marian was much stronger than Garrett. She didn't loosen her grip until Carver awkwardly wrapped his arms around her too, and he recognized the shaky sigh of someone trying not to sob. 

 

"I should go." He whispered. Because he wanted this world too much, he wanted Bethany alive and a sibling who actually cared about beyond just keeping him alive for mother’s sake. And he could never have it.

 

Carver went through the window again, even though it would have made more sense to simply walk out her door. Varric and Isabela and two dozen random drunkards who liked to hang around the hanged man in the middle of the night were still here, and they didn't need to see him cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short little reaction chapter, this one was a lot of fun to write.
> 
> This is all i have written so far, next chapter will take a while cause i'm working on my book. which is making me cry by the way. My book doesn't even have dragons like whats the point :(
> 
> jk i like it its just hard and gets in the way of video games
> 
> thanks for reading!


	5. Marian

Aveline had always been good at not asking questions. Curiosity was dangerous when you were a city guard and your best friend was a part time criminal who hung out with apostates. That used to drive Marian crazy, the fact that Aveline would rather live in the dark and remain ignorant than just lie to her superiors, but now she was beyond grateful. 

Marian had no desire to look at Carver, or Fenris, or Anders. Merrill, Varric, and Isabela weren't as difficult, but they wouldn't stop asking her questions about the future. Varric wanted to write a book that predicted the future so he could get rich, Isabela wanted to know if she had a new boat yet, and Merrill just kept asking random mundane questions about that bald elf prick that the inquisitor dragged around. 

Aveline's stoic silence was a welcome relief, and Marian's instant comfort in her presence seemed to help Aveline relax too, even though she didn't seem convinced Marian's story was true. 

That morning had lasted forever, the two sisters standing in the empty main room of the hanged man, telling pieces of their story while Varric took notes diligently. Bethany was confident that they couldn't mess up their timestream at all, since it was already so different, but Marian didn't want to screw with this one too much either. Telling them about the Arishok and Coryepheus seemed like a good idea, but telling Varric about Bartrand or Aveline about Donnic could mess up their whole life. 

And Anders. Neither Marian or Bethany were sure about what to do with Anders. They had years before he the even began to think about blowing up the chantry, but watching him, with bright eyes and no grey hairs, laugh and joke with Varric and the black haired mage made her feel uneasy. This was her friend, the Anders she wanted to remember. Passionate and selfless and brave, not the broken thing that had begged her for death after starting a war.

 

Fenris was almost worse. He stood in the corner while she told her story, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. She left out everything about them, she knew it wouldn't help. This Anders was the right Anders, but this Fenris was not. He glared at Bethany suspiciously and as soon as Marian stepped down and let Bethany tell about her Wardens, Fenris pulled her away and gruffly asked about Danarius. 

"You'll get him," she'd promised, and turned around before he could ask for details. 

Carver was bad too, for different reasons, and everyone else was just annoying. Aveline and Bethany were the only two Marian could stand to be around without worrying. And the bearded mage that was supposed to be her. 

Garrett and her didn't have the same guilt riddled history that kept Bethany from talking to Carver, and Marian didn't know any secrets about him that could ruin his life. He was funny, and non confrontational, and much smarter than he looked. Just like her.

While Marian and Bethany made plans with Aveline, Garrett acted as a middle man. 

His Bethany was dead, and although Marian wasn't sure why his Bethany had thrown herself at the ogre instead of Carver, he seemed less uncomfortable around her than Marian did around Carver. Maybe because his loss was fresher, Marian had had ten years to mourn. 

But if she was stuck here, she may have another ten years to have him back. 

"First things first," she said to Aveline as Garrett. They had moved into Varric’s room after the hanged man opened, Aveline looked strange, sitting on his bed in a full suit of armor, and Garrett looked like he hadn't slept or bathed in a week.

"Deep roads expedition, how close are you, money wise?" She asked Garrett. 

"Still need about--," he started counting on his fingers, "ten gold."

"Great," Marian said, "after you have the money, come back to me. I'm going to give you a list of things you need to do and you're going to do them without asking any questions." 

Garrett opened his mouth to argue but Aveline shushed him. 

"Go find the money," she said.

"Fine," Garrett stood up, "but I'm going to keep it all and spend it on ale."

Aveline rolled her eyes as he left, but she was hiding a smile. 

"Aveline I need you to find me a Templar named Cullen, and have him agree to meet me somewhere. Tell him it's about blood magic or whatever, just get him there."

Saving the Starkhaven circle would solve a ridiculous amount of their problems, and Cullen was the only person she knew could do it. No blood mages running around in Kirkwall caves, no future trading embargo on Ferelden, and no Quentin. Gaspard had said that's where he was from, and if it was true, then Hawke could save Leandra. 

Aveline nodded and left.

Now only her and Bethany were left in the over-decorated room. Bethany's bloody grey warden robes were in a pile in the corner of her room, and now she was wearing some of Isabela’s most modest clothes, which still showed a ridiculous amount of skin. Marian was too big for Isabela’s clothes, so she was wearing Aveline's. They were comfortable enough, but the armor was far too heavy for a rouge, and it was ugly. Isabela would make fun of Aveline all day, but she was clearly already wearing her most attractive clothes when she went out, because everything else was terrible. Marian wished they had landed a few more years Into the future, when they were rich and Isabela had convinced Aveline to go shopping with her. 

Or maybe not, because Carver would be gone. Or maybe he wouldn't, because nothing said he needed to go into the deep roads like Bethany had. 

Marian turned to her sister. 

"What are we going to do about the deep roads?"

Bethany glanced up from the piece of paper she was reading. 

"What do you mean?"

"Carver will obviously want to go," Marian said, "but would that be smart?" 

"Carver is a skilled warrior, not a mage. I only got infected because one flanked me and I couldn't handle close combat," Bethany said, monotonously, "that won't happen with Carver."

Marian nodded, glancing down at her notes. It was a list of things she needed to do to fix the world. Under the 'deep roads' section, she crossed off 'no Carver'. He would be fine, she was sure if it. But just in case, the paper she handed Garrett at the end of the day said to bring Anders as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written 34,000 words towards my original novel in the past month, and i'm still super excited about it and will continue working on that into the summer, but it's nice to be able to relax and write what i want to again, i missed writing fanfic
> 
> this ones kinda short, but next will be the deep roads with Garrett! I'll try to have that up in a couple days since i made you wait for so long for this :)


	6. Garrett

Garrett clutched the piece of paper tightly in his hand. He had folded and unfolded it a half dozen times now, until it was just a tiny square in his hand. The writing itself was starting to fade, but it didn't matter, he had memorized every word Marian had written, in the handwriting that looked identical to his.

The note was bullet points; just giving him vague ideas of things to do he hoped would make sense eventually. She picked his team for him, picked the entrance for them, and even told him exactly what to say to mother to convince her that Carver would be safe.

After that, there was only a map, traced over Anders’s map with undiscovered hand sketched tunnels and passageways added on and the 'correct' path drawn in red;  
and three more bullet points:

 _\- don't trust Bartrand_  
_\- destroy the idol_  
_\- keep Carver safe_

Not trusting Bartrand was his default, Garrett didn't like the bearded dwarf, and he got the feeling Varric didn't either. He'd avoided speaking to the brother any more than necessary before they started the expedition, but now Bartrand was steaming and pacing and Garrett was actively avoiding him.

Garrett didn't know anything about any idols, but when he'd asked Marian had just said what was annoyingly becoming her catch phase: ' _You'll see_.'

It was the instructions about Carver that made him uneasy. Just from watching Marian and Bethany, he knew their dynamic was massively different from his and his brothers. Marian protected her little sister, she was younger and sweeter and an apostate, Garrett has no doubt that had always been how they worked. Carver was different, he was the youngest, technically, but he was also the only non mage child. If Garrett and Bethany had been caught, they would have been shipped away to some prison tower, so Carver was always expected to be their protector. After Bethany died, and Garrett started using his magic openly, any semblance of his role as protector disappeared. Carver was a warrior who was in no danger for being a mage, and Garrett was older. They were more balanced than Marian and Bethany, yet his and Carvers relationship was more strained than the sisters had ever been.

Carver sat across the fire from him, right outside the entrance to the deep roads, staring into the flames. Garrett wasn't sure if Marian only wanted him to protect Carver because her Carver was dead and she felt guilty, or if something happened in the deep roads she was worried about.

Garrett couldn't worry about it now, there were other people too, people who didn't seem to hate him.

Anders had no desire to go to the deep roads, and Garrett had had no intention of bringing him. But here he was, looking miserable and just a tiny bit scared. Garrett felt a pang of guilt for dragging him along, and a pang of anger towards Marian for making him take the guy.

Garrett didn't like the team balance, everyone but Carver was a ranged fighter, two mages and an archer. He would have preferred Aveline’s level head or Isabela's handy talent at keeping the mood light, but instead he had a moody brother and an anxious healer that hopefully wouldn't even be needed. He didn't like it, but Marian had proven herself time and time again that she was really him, and she knew best. So Garrett would trust her. For now.

Garrett glanced up and scowled at Carver, who had begun sharpening his sword as loudly as possible. Across the clearing, a different bearded dwarf that was not Bartrand was pacing anxiously across the mouth of the deep roads. Garrett remembered visiting the dwarf's store back in Kirkwall, even if he couldn't remember his name.

Talking to the dwarf might be awkward, but he looked nervous, and anything was better than starting a fight with Carver before the expedition even got started.

An hour later, they were off in the deep roads, looking for the dwarfs' (who's name was Bodahn) missing son (who's name was Sandal) through darkspawn invested deep roads. They were also looking for a clear path into the thaig for Bartrand, but what no one else knew was he already had the answer in his pocket. Like the instructions, the map itself was burned into his memory, but the dark, carcass filled tunnels looked different than lines on a sheet of paper, and Garrett had to resist the urge to pull it out and double check at every turn.

The worst that could happen was more darkspawn, and the trail of deformed bodies behind them proved they could handle those.

Garrett thought they had gone in a circle when they came across sandal. He was surrounded by frozen darkspawn corpses that he thought might be his or Anders's, but Garrett was certain he hadn't killed an ogre down here, yet there one was.

The blonde dwarf was standing in the middle of the destruction, back to them and scratching his arse.

"Isn't that Bodahn's boy?" Varric asked.

The boy turned around when he heard them and smiled.

"'Ello," he said.

"It is," Carver laughed, "the great warrior stands victorious."

Garrett stepped towards the boy and knelt down to his eye level, "I'd really like to know how you managed to kill all of them."

"Boom!" The boy said excitedly, showing him an etched rune.

"And him?" Garrett gestured to the ogre.

"Not enchantment," the boy responded simply, and then just walked away.

"Smart boy," Varric said.

Garrett didn't bother stopping him. There was a clear path back to camp, and even though he might of felt bad sending any other simple-minded child through the gory graveyard he'd left behind, but this one had already made a frozen one himself.

 

Past the frozen ogre was another tunnel, and they followed it until they found a way around Bartrand's cave in. The walk back to camp was easy, and Garrett realized that without fighting anything, the walk wasn't actually that long. While the grunts were packing up the camp, Garrett pulled out his note from Marian one last time and stared at the words.

 _\- don't trust Bartrand_  
_\- destroy the idol_  
_\- keep Carver safe_

If he couldn't do those things, it would be the first step to Marian's universe. He wasn't exactly sure how bad it was there, but the way she looked at the city and at his friends made him sure he didn't want it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> into the deep roads! this is where it'll start deviating from Marian's timeline. Next chapter will be her POV doing some fun Kirkwall stuff and they'll switch off


	7. Marian

Isabela liked to say that she only ever did four things: drink, sleep, fight, and fuck. Even when Marian caught her doing something else, like reading or talking, Isabela would say it was a trashy romance novel, which counted as fucking, or her conversations counted as a 'verbal fight'. But now, it was 2 pm on a Tuesday and she wasn't fighting in the deep roads, so of course she was sleeping. Which Marian had assumed, but she's still listened outside the door for a few moments to make sure the sounds she was hearing was snores and not something sexual.

Isabela grunted and turned over when the light from the hallway reached her bed. Her hair was sprawled out across the pillows and her sleeping face looked sweet, almost innocent. But the morning light caught a flash of sharpened bronze under her pillow and Marian remembered how dangerous her not-yet best friend could be.

"Wakey wakey," Marian goaded, "I have a present for you."

Isabela's eyes focused on her silhouette in the doorway and her hand began to reach for the knife under her pillow until she seemed to remember the past few days.

"I don't suppose your present involves you joining me, does it?" she flirted easily.

Marian smiled, "not today, but I think you'll like this gift even more."

"Well don't taunt me," Isabela pushed her bottom lip out.

"I know where your relic is," Marian smiled at Isabela’s stunned expression, "and we're going to get it back."

"How? Where did you find it?"

"Man named Wall-Eyed Sam has it, and I know just where Sam is hiding out tonight."

"So what? We break in, grab the relic, and give it back to Castillion?"

"Not quite. He'll never let you go, and you know what you stole right?"

"Some Qunari thing?"

"Would you rather have one man chasing you, or an entire army?"

"What, do you want me to give it back to the Qunari instead? They'll cut my head off! And even if they don't, Castillion will make sure I'm dead."

"Not if he's dead too," Marian smiled as Isabela leaned forward, "We're going to pin the robbery on Castillion, give back the tome, and him, as their thief that needs punishing, then bribe a Tal-Vashoth to stow away on the ship back and mercy kill Castillion before he gets back to the Qunari and rats you out."

"Busy say," Isabela said. "Better eat breakfast first." 

"Then let's go steal a book."  
~~~

Marian knew they would need backup. Two rogues could steal some old tome with no problem, but if something went wrong, they would be in trouble. That was how Merrill and Fenris ended up coming with them.

Marian had wanted to bring Aveline, but Bethany had talked her out of it. Aveline was a guard, eventually she would be the captain, and bringing her on a midnight raid would be idiotic. On top of that, she was loud. Marian needed a warrior, she wanted a big ass sword as backup, and Fenris could provide that without the clanging armor. It would be stupid not to bring him just because he made her uncomfortable.

And having elves on a stakeout was always a good thing. Merrill's Dalish eyes could see in the dark almost as well as the day. Fenris's eyes weren't as reflective, but they were infinitely more useful that hers and Isabela's.

The four of them were crouched on a roof across from the building Wall-Eyed Sam was hiding in at the edge of Lowtown. Merrill and Fenris were watching both the exits for an opportunity to attack, or at least until the guard switched out and they could steal a couple uniforms and sneak in.

"So if you know everything," Isabela prodded, "You can tell me things about my future."

The two rouges had nothing to do while they waited. They could hardly see the exits and there hadn't been a call to shoot or stab anything yet.

"I could," Marian shrugged, "I won't. But I could."

"Just something harmless," Isabela needled, "like, how many men do I trick into marrying me just to kill them and inherit their money?"

"47," Marian answered sarcastically, "then you retire to a private tropical island at the age of thirty five and marry your bartender, next question?"

"Really?" Merrill asked earnestly.

"Yes kitten," Isabela nodded, "I'm that good."

Fenris snorted from his perch on the roof.

"Is my bartender cute?" Isabela asked.

"Of course," Marian smirked, "he's blonde, tan, pointy ears, Antivan," Marian wriggled her eyebrows at the last part and Isabela's head snapped up, "kind of a shit assassin but he's good in bed."

Marian could feel Isabela staring through the dark, "and how do you know about him?"

"You'll see," Marian smirked. She was beginning to like knowing everything.

"What's that?" Merrill interrupted, pointing to the second story window. Someone had just lit a candle in it.

"Let's go see," Marian reached for the long wooded board they'd brought up to cross between the two roofs.

Fenris moved to help her and she felt his fingers brush hers as he grabbed the other side. His hand was warm. Part of her wanted to pull off his sharp metal gauntlets and twine her cold fingers together with his warm ones, like she always used to do before a fight to help her shoot better.

Instead, she jerked her hand away, the same time he did. Marian felt a lump rise up in her throat. Fenris hadn't pulled away from her touch in years, but this wasn't her Fenris.

 

The board touched down on the other roof without making a sound, and Isabela darted across. Merrill followed after her, then Marian, and then Fenris. Hawke knew she ahd made the right call, Aveline would have had difficulty crossing rooftops on a 4 inch beam, and she could never have done it as silently as Fenris had. 

"Here's the plan," Marian herded the other three into a huddle once they were all across, "I go in the dark window first, take out any bad guys quick and quiet, then wait in the hallway in case any one tries to run," Marian whispered to their little circle, "Give me twenty seconds, then Isabela and Fenris break in through the candle window, and take out any guards. Merrill will frost the window shut so he can't jump, and I'll be waiting outside the door. Make sure no one screams. Until the relic is in one of our pockets, then you can go wild."

"Good plan," Isabela nodded, putting her hand in the middle of their little circle, "let's go team."

Marian smiled and put her hand in too. Merrill followed immediately, and the three girls turned to Fenris. He turned away from them, but put his in too. Marian swore she could feel his hand burning through Merrill's.

"Don't let Isabela be tortured by Qunari!" Marian whisper chanted.

Isabela and Merrill both giggled, and Fenris cracked a smile. Marian felt her stomach turn over.

She ignored it and moved silently towards the dark window. It was already cracked, and she tossed an arrowhead through the opening to distract any guards. Marian heard a chair creak as a single man got up to check what the noise was. She didn't have Merrill's night vision, but neither would anyone in there.

As the man's back was turned, Hawke pulled the window open the rest of the way and slipped in. His hand was on the doorknob when she knocked him out with the butt of her dagger.

Four seconds.

She caught him before he hit the ground and dragged his heavy slumped body to the back of the room. The man was thickly muscled, probably hired as a guard based on that alone, since he didn't seem to have an abundance of intelligence and had been sleeping in the job.

As big as he was, he was invisible in the dark corner beside the window, and wouldn't be waking up for a while.

Ten seconds.

Marian strode back across the room and knelt to look through the keyhole. Their was light peeping in through the cracks in the door, but no sound came though. She saw a single foot to her left, no doubt guarding the next room over.

Five more seconds.

Marian counted down, and right on time she heard a window break, and the ringing of steel. The guard outside the door jumped and turned around, but never made it inside. Marian threw open the door and grabbed the guard by his cheap helmet, swinging onto his back and snapping his neck in one smooth motion. Damn, she was good.

The door into the candlelit room was thrown open, and a scrawny man holding a thick book ran right into her, thinking he was running into his own backup and instead finding her. Wall-Eyed Sam tucked the book under one arm and pulled out a dagger, but he was surrounded. Isabela and Fenris stood in the doorway, Hawke stood in front of him, and behind him was a solid wall.

"How'd you find me?" He asked, realizing he was done.

"Feminine intuition," Isabela said.

She marched forward, snatched the tome from the double-thief and punched him square in the jaw.

Then she leaned forward and kissed the spot her fist had connected, "don't steal from a thief Sammy," she cooed, "especially not when it's me."

Isabela turned on her heel and walked back out of the room and through the window. Hawke looked at the stunned thief, now sprawled out on the floor of his own safe house and smirked.

Merrill was bouncing up and down when she climbed back onto the roof, "did we get it?" She asked excitedly. Isabela held the heavy book up for her to see and Merrill squealed.

"That was fun!" she beamed.

"Very fun kitten," Isabela agreed, "now let's go before we have to fight anyone else for this stupid book."

The four of them took off running back across the rooftops to the hanged man. Getting the tome had been easy, now came the hard part. Getting the Qunari to leave the city without Isabela.

Good thing she had a plan. Mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man i love Isabela so much. this was a really fun chapter to write, i love stakeouts and angst
> 
> next chapter: Less stakeouts and more angst >:)
> 
> ps i love you guys too, i know i don't really respond to comments unless they ask me a direct question, but i read them all and they make me smile so thank you :)


	8. Garrett

Bartrand was terrible, Garrett had always known that much, but now it was all he thought about when he looked at the dwarf. 

The past few weeks had been exhausting. No one else would venture off into the side passages, so Bartrand always sent them to clear out monsters. And not just darkspawn, Garrett had fought his first ever dragon down here, and he thanked the maker that night for creating freezing spells.

Following Bartrand's orders was hard enough, but now Garrett began to realize just how truly terrible Varric's brother really was. 

He abused his workers, was almost always screaming, and Hawke felt that Bartrand didn't just not care about his grunts, he straight up wanted them dead so he wouldn't have to pay them and could get a bigger share. 

But a share of what, that's what they didn't know. 

Red lyrium was weird, he and Anders had stayed up late the night after they first found it, embedded in the walls, imaging what it could do, but after a few days of walking by it, the stuff had begun to make Garrett feel uneasy. 

Now, after several hours of 'scouting ahead', there was a doll made out of the stuff. No- not a doll, it was an idol. The idol Marian's letter told him to destroy, he was sure of it. 

"That looks expensive," Varric stared at it. 

"It's not," Garrett lied, "just a glimmer charm on a rock, it's probably a trap so we can't make it further it."

Varric and Carver bought his story without a second thought, but Anders raised an eyebrow. Garrett shook his head and Anders seemed to get it. He didn't argue. He knew as well as Garrett did that it was lyrium. 

Varric and Carver wandered further into the treasure room, out of earshot, and Garrett told Anders to do the same. Garrett had been reluctant to drag Anders through the deep roads against his will, but the other mage had proven to be a fantastic traveling companion. Garrett hadn't had anyone to talk with about magic since Bethany died, and even then the conversations had been as boring as they were dangerous. They'd been taught by the same teacher and had nothing new to share, and any conversation they did have, even at their home could be overheard by a nosy neighbor and reported to a Templar. 

Miles underground in the deep roads, no one cared that he was a mage, and as much as he hated the Circle, Anders had learned things trapped in there that Garrett never could. 

Malcolm had taught his children how to control their powers, and how to use them to defend themselves, but he never taught anything subtle. Him and Bethany had never learned about history and potions and anything about the fade other than they must avoid demons. Anders seemed to know everything, and he never seemed to grow tired of Garrett's questions. 

Even fighting, he was amazing, Anders always said that he was a healer, and preferred to hang back during a fight, but he had been a Grey Warden, and Garrett had seen him get scrappy before. Anders' past was a mystery, but Garrett trusted him. And, thankfully, Anders seemed to trust him as well. 

Anders left the room silently; not even questioning what Garrett was about to do. As soon and he turned the corner, Garrett raised his staff to smash the idol. Hitting the thing with magic would be unpredictable, better to smash it instead. 

And then he hesitated. The idol seemed to be singing to him, a sweet song that begged him not to break it, the idol was beautiful, it would be a shame to destroy it, and it's song was so lovely, and so sad. It almost sounded like Bethany. 

Garrett heard heavy footsteps enter the room behind his back, and Bartrand's heavy voice, "What the hell are you doing?"

Garrett blinked and hunched his eyebrows. He shouldn't feel bad about a rock. He brought his staff down in one sure stroke, and the idol shattered. The lyrium exploded outwards, and knocked him back, off the pedestal and back towards the door, landing right at Bartrand's feet. 

Bartrand ignored him, choosing instead to run towards the pedestal. He gathered up the broken pieces of the idol in his hands and his head snapped to face Garrett. 

"This could have been worth a fortune! What in the name of the paragons did you break it for!?" Bartrand screamed at him, storming back down the stairs, trailing red lyrium behind him. 

'My self from an alternate future told me to' he wanted to say, but Marian had told them all it was best if the fewest number of people knew about who she was. 

"I wanted to see what would happen," Garrett tried his weak excuse. It didn't work. 

Bartrand raised a hand, as if to punch him, but Garrett narrowed his eyes. He would love an excuse to blast Varric’s shitty brother, and they both knew Garrett would and could if Bartrand gave him a reason. 

He lowered his hand, but not his voice. 

"Out!" He demanded, "You and all your friends, out of my camp, "you're the reason we haven't found anything yet! I knew I shouldn't have trusted you to scout!" 

"You'd all of died weeks ago without us and you know it," Garrett was still on the floor, and the angry dwarf towered over him. 

"Or we'd have all been rich weeks ago!" Bartrand held the broken idol pieces in his meaty hands like they were his murdered child. 

Footsteps echoed from either side of the room, as both of their backups arrived. Bartrand's handful of hired mercenaries through the main door, and Varric, Anders, and Carver back through the hallway. 

Hawke stumbled to his feet and glared at the mercenaries whose lives he'd saved by clearing out all the beasts in the tunnels. Now they all had swords drawn and arrows pointed at him. 

Bartrand was glaring at Hawke's group. He had no reason to be mad at them, and Hawke had a moment of panic that they might abandon him for Bartrand, but all of them had weapons drawn, and Bianca had an arrow aimed. Not at Garrett's head, but at Bartrand's. 

"You're all insane," Bartrand snarled, more at his brother than Hawke, "We'll find the relics without you screwing us up," Bartrand grinned, "and I'll only have to split it one way." 

Bartrand turned his back to them and ran through the open door, and his guards pulled it shut as soon as he was through. The lock clicked and Bianca's bolt buried itself in the wood where Bartrand's head had been. 

 

~~~

Varric stormed down the stairs, pulled his arrow from the door, and turned to Hawke. 

"What the hell was that?"

"I broke a statue."

"So?" 

"Bartrand thought I'd been breaking everything valuable."

"I've been with you the entire time! And he didn't even ask me if that was true!" Varric swore. "He left his family to die down here over, some delusion that you've been smashing everything valuable?" 

"Are you surprised?" 

Varric sighed. "Unfortunately- not really, no."

Anders walked over the podium and picked up a shard Bartrand had left behind. "What is it?" He glanced at Hawke. 

"No clue, but lady Hawke told me I had to smash it."

"I doubt she said 'smash with your staff in front of Bartrand'" Varric said, pulling on the door and swearing under his breath, "or I hope she didn't, because that would mean she wanted us to get trapped down here."

“I just didn’t hear him coming, “Garrett said, “He’s rather light-footed for a dwarf.”

Hawke saw Varric bite his cheek to keep from laughing. 

"The hallway we were in keeps going, we might be able to get out that way," Carver added, for once in his life he wasn’t the one criticizing Garrett. Hawke wondered if Marian had done something to cause that.

"Exactly," Garrett pointed at Carver, "We're not dead yet.”

 

“’Yet’ being the keyword,” Varric grumbled, “We’re miles underground, with no source of food or water, and the only living creatures around for miles are darkspawn.”

“That may not be… entirely true,” Anders glanced up and then looked back at his hands. 

“What do you know?” Carver asked, turning back into his old hostile self. 

“I got the maps from a Grey Warden,” Anders said, “Which means I know where in the deep roads the Wardens are.”

“And why would the Wardens help us?” Carver asked, but Garrett just thought of Bethany. His thoughts on Grey Wardens were conflicted. The Warden who had saved Ferelden had come too late to save Garrett’s family, and the only Warden he knew personally had hated it so much he risked being an apostate and a fugitive just to get away from the order. Then Bethany had shown up, his dead baby sister, now a Grey Warden. But the thought of his Bethany's days being numbered like that after he’d already lost her once made him angry.

“We’ll head in their direction,” Hawke decided. “Follow a day behind their route until they lead us out or we start starving.”

“We have to find our way back to mapped territory first,” Anders said, “This cavern isn’t on the Warden maps.”

Garrett resisted the urge to groan out loud, and grabbed his staff instead. 

“We’ll find the way.” Garrett tried to sound optimistic, but just imagining the fights to come made his stomach growl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah sorry this chapter took so long, i've been busy. I'm nearly done with the next and will post that one soon as i can to make up for it.
> 
> This one was probably the most difficult to write too. We don't really get to see that much of Bartrand's character before he goes bonkers so I based his reaction on that one scene where he punched his worker for no reason then justified him leaving his own brother down there too by considering how terrible their relationship must be if Varric could barely stand him and Varric loves everyone.
> 
> (Fenris: I assume there was a time when you and he were friends?  
> Varric: With Bartrand? No, just brothers. Occasionally he wasn't insufferable.) what a loving and positive sibling relationship.
> 
>  
> 
> Grey Wardens next chapter. Man i love Grey Wardens. Gee I sure do wish your warden could show up in da2....


	9. Carver

Garrett’s brilliant plan had been to follow a day behind the Wardens, but four traveled faster than a hundred, and the Wardens had cleared the path of almost all darkspawn. Walking through the deep roads sure went a lot faster when you weren’t fighting for your life ever half-hour.

 

And sure enough, on the third day, they saw them. 

 

Carver was leading, as he had been for days, because the others took the lack of darkspawn as a sign to completely let their guards down and have pleasant little chats as if they were old women gossiping over tea in a foyer.

 

So when Carver climbed over a steep ledge, and actually saw them, concentrated in a battle with a hoard of darkspawn, it took Garrett almost a full minute to climb up to the top and pull him down.

 

The Wardens weren’t what Carver had thought they would be. He had expected Anders, with his slouched shoulders and dirty clothes, or Bethany, with her suspicious stance and sad eyes that grew sadder every time she looked at him. 

 

These Wardens, the real Wardens, weren’t like either of them. They were warriors in every sense of the word. There were mages sure, and archers and healers and even a skinny elven girl with dual knives ducking behind darkspawn and cutting their spines, but they were all warriors, in a sense.

 

Most carried shields, but some didn’t even bother, letting the darkspawn scratch and bite at their armor like it was game, and why not? It wasn't like they could get the blight anymore. 

 

The hundred man group moved like one being, cutting through the horde with ease. Carver watched them with awe, swordsmen standing back to back, slicing through darkspawn, archers scanning the field with an expert eye, shooting arrows into frozen enemies to shatter them, or ice arrows into the back of heads of darkspawn getting to close to a recovering mage. 

 

Carver had never seen an army fight like this before. Ostagar had been chaotic. After the battle had started, he remembered thinking; “ _Thank god we’re not fighting another human army,”_ because if they had he might not have known who to attack. 

 

Now he just followed Garrett and his friends around. It was easy to remember the remember the faces of the few people he actually fought beside, and he'd long since learned the way each person moved in battle, which kept him from attacking any of Garrett's collected misfits in a fight, but it was no more organized than Ostagar had been. And at least at Ostagar, he’d had friends.

 

The Grey Wardens were the first real army Carver had ever watched. They worked together, anticipated what the others needed. They were trained, actually trained. Not some patchwork army of scared village kids, or a gang of loners working together for their own gain. The Wardens were an army, and an army that actually fought for something that mattered. 

 

Carver felt himself being yanked backwards, and then Garrett’s voice hissing: “ _what the hell are you doing?”_

Carver didn’t answer him. Carver didn’t even know the answer.

 

They backtracked a mile into the caves, and killed a giant spider the wardens had missed so they could camp out in its cave for the night.

 

Garrett kept shooting Carver worried looks over the campfire while they ate the previous tenant. Probably something to do with whatever crap the other Hawke was only telling him and no one else.

 

Carver slept by the cave entrance that night, except he didn’t actually sleep. He laid there for over an hour, staring at the cave wall, and thinking about Bethany, thinking about the Wardens. He wished she was here, so he could finally ask all those questions he’d been too chicken to ask for so long because it felt like talking to a ghost.

 

Carver pushed himself off the cave floor and got to his feet.

 

None of the other three moved. Garrett and Varric continued snoring. Carver picked up his sword as quietly as he could, and started walking.

 

Carver knew he had to see them again. He wanted to see that the wardens were like when they weren’t fighting, needed to see the parts of the Wardens that made Anders run, or Bethany look the way she did. He needed a reason to not be jealous. He needed a reason to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wonderful excuse for not updating in so long is simply this: College. 
> 
> I started college and my first semester was hell. I'm an english major, so I spend all day everyday writing, and I'm so exhausted from writing I can never get motivated to write anything for myself, especially fanfic. But now its winter break and I'm re-playing dragon age 2 (again) so I will try to have a couple of chapters out between now and when I go back to school 
> 
> thanks for being patient guys


	10. Marian

There were three things Marian needed to do to make sure this world never became the shithole hers was. One would save Kirkwall, another one would keep Thedas safe, and the last one would save the world. No pressure.

 

But none of those things were on her mind tonight.

 

If she was going to save the whole world, she would have to start smaller.

 

Neither Marian or Bethany had even spoken to Leandra yet. Garrett was worried about how she would react, both to Bethany’s being alive or Marian’s existence in general. She told Bethany there was time, but Marian had no idea how this time travel shit worked, they could be trapped in Kirkwall for ten years until the world caught up, or they could be zapped back into their world tomorrow.

 

If Garrett was really her, everything else would be fine. She’d written down her entire story for Garrett to find if she disappeared. Starting from Carver and the ogre, all the way to her leaving Fenris sleeping in a cabin so she could run off and play hero with the inquisition.

 

Well, not that last part. Or any parts with Fenris. At all. She knew he wouldn’t like the idea of his entire future set in stone by some girl’s shitty, handwritten autobiography, and even if he hadn’t minded, those parts of the story were theirs. Her weird beardy mage twin didn’t need to read a love story he might never experience.

 

Not that she didn’t like her weird beardy mage twin, because Garrett was actually beginning to grow on her. After he’d left for the deep roads, she felt oddly calm, which never would of happened if anyone other than her was leading. But Garrett was her, in a sense, and she didn’t trust anyone other than herself to keep Carver safe in the deep roads.

 

He was protected her family, and although Garrett would never know it, she was returning the favor.

 

Marian had thought about waiting for Garrett and Carver to return to do this, but she had no idea when they would be back, and didn’t feel like waiting. So she decided it would be just her and Bethany, but as she lifted her fist to knock on her sisters door, Marian realized she wanted to do this alone.

 

Maybe it was wrong to go alone, Leandra was their mother too, but this was personal. Marian was the one who had held their mother as she died, it was only fair that she got to kill her future murderer, the murderer that was already out slaughtering random women. She wanted to cover that bastard in a million tiny cuts and watch him bleed out, just for fun. She had always regretted the clean death she’d hastily given him, this time, she would take her time.

 

Now that she knew where Quentin’s hideout was, all she had to do was crawl down his trapdoor, find the darkest corner she could, and wait.

 

Normally Hawke was terrible at waiting, she’d fallen asleep on stakeouts, and jumped the gun on an attack from boredom more times than she’d like to count, but today she was focused. This wasn’t some rich asshole paying her to kill a slightly larger asshole, this was an unstoppable psychopath with astoundingly bad karma that she was here to make good on.

 

Quentin showed up just after midnight, with two demons trailing behind him, carrying a human shaped sack.

 

The demons hoisted the sack over a table, and an unconscious human woman spilled onto the blood stained operating table.

 

If she’d brought Bethany, she could have dispelled his magic, stopping him from summoning any more demons or throwing up a shield. They could have tortured him until Bethany ran out of a mana, which nowadays, would have been a pretty long time.  

 

But Bethany hadn’t been there when mother had died, she wouldn’t stand by and let Marian do what she needed to do, so she would do it alone.

 

Quentin’s demons disappeared and he bent over the work table.

 

His paranoid back was to the cavern wall, which would usually be problematic for her, but tonight, her plan did not include a sneak attack.

 

Marian nocked an arrow.

 

The first one went through his right hand, pinning him to the stone. He raised his left to cast a spell at something he still couldn’t see, but his eyes only found her after she'd put an arrow in that one too.

 

The mages knees collapsed. He would have fallen to the ground if her arrows hadn’t been holding up, but they held fast and he made a sound so pained and pathetic; she would have stopped in her tracks if he had been anyone else in the world.

 

Instead, Hawke came out of the shadows and walked right towards him.

 

Quentin opened his mouth, whether to call for help or attempt to smooth talk her, she never knew, because she shot an arrow right into his gaping maw and nailed his head to the wall.

 

The woman on the table didn’t move, and Hawke was glad.

She could have left him there. Carried his final victim to safety as he choose between breathing through excruciating pain or suffocating. A slow and painful death, but it wasn’t enough, it didn’t make up for the things he had done to those women, the things he had done to her mother.

 

Marian walked up to Quentin and looked him in the eye. He looked back with a mixture of confusion and contempt. He didn’t let his pain show on his face.

 

Hawke pulled out a tiny bottle and her father’s knife. Malcolm had been a mage, and had never used the knife at all; he only carried it because not carrying a weapon in Lothering had been suspicious. It was dull and rusty and now Hawke was coating it with a layer of a special little poison.

 

_“Non-lethal” the vender had promised, “Use it on people you want to suffer, people who need to pay up.” He’d laughed as he said it._

_“That’s exactly what I need it for,” Marian smiled._

She didn’t mention that her victim wouldn’t be paying with gold.

 

Quentin’s face didn’t show his fear.

 

She was going to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no lesson here kids, just some hardcore murder. Some people just need to get hardcore murdered, and I think anyone that frankenstiens people is right on the tippity top of that list. 
> 
> Also I wrote this chapter super drunk so please excuse any little mistakes but if its anything major. or like. an entire sentence doesn't make sense please tell me bc i am absolute garbage at proofreading even when i'm sober.
> 
> Also #2 if you like this story go check out all my other stuff. They're (mostly) one shots that take place in Marian's universe and are just sappy garbage that helps explain her world state and some of the characters relationships that the actual games ignore lmao. Only one is about her specifically, but characters from origins and inquisition that i write about will be showing up in this eventually.
> 
> and as always, thanks for being patient guys.


	11. Bethany

Bethany remembered a time where she had told Marian everything. The Hawke's had been a close-knit family, but she had always felt closest to her sister. She could talk about magic with her father, gossip with her mother, and stay up late at night with Carver and tell each other stories, but only with Marian could she do all three. 

But that was a long time ago. An entirely different life. They had grown apart, it was inevitable. Even before the blight, before the Wardens, Bethany had started to keep her secrets to herself. 

She had hated the Wardens at first. Not because she hated any of them, or the knowledge that her own body would eventually kill her, but because every time she watched the Warriors train in the yard, every time she laughed during a meal, every night she went to bed in a massive castle that was never truly quiet, she couldn't help but think how much Carver would have loved it.  
He'd joined Cailan's army to make a name for himself, to have a place he belonged, and it was destroyed before he’d even had a chance.

Bethany had what he'd always wanted, and all she could do is feel bitter. The Wardens had saved her life, accepted her and befriended her and trained her, but she hadn’t wanted any of that, she didn’t want Carver’s dream.

That's why she lied to Marian. Carver needed to go into the deep roads, he needed to see a real Warden, see the solidarity and family he could never see in his own. Seeing Stroud and the dozens of men behind him would be much better for his view of the wardens than his sad and tired sister that was supposed to be dead.

It wasn't a plan exactly; Bethany had no idea what would happen. If Garrett did everything right, they wouldn't even have to opportunity to run into any Wardens. But Garrett was supposed to be Marian, a Marian with magic. Bethany had trouble believing anything at all would go smoothly with that combination. 

And she hadn't been wrong. But she hadn't been right either. 

They'd returned from the deep roads, all four of them. For a second she thought her plan hadn't worked, and then she saw a look in Carver's eye. The same look he had before he would get into trouble. No one else could pick up on it, not even their parents, not even Marian. Her mother said it was a twin thing. Bethany had missed having twin things. 

Varric wasted no time getting to work to track down Bartrand, and Garrett, beaming and holding a several bouncing pouches of something that probably wasn't cheap, took off for home. His home, not hers.

Carver didn't follow his brother. He locked eyes with her for the first time since she'd arrived in this messed up Kirkwall, and Bethany turned down an alleyway. She knew he would follow. 

Bethany wasn't wearing her Grey Warden robes, but Carver had already seen her in them and that wasn't something even he would forget. 

"Why did you join?" He asked before she’d even turned to face him. 

"No choice," Bethany said curtly, "I was tainted. It was Wardens or death."

"Where did it happen?"

"You already know that answer." 

Carver was quiet for a moment, his expressions shifting to confusion, to anger, to understanding in a matter of seconds. 

"And you still sent me down there?"

"I did. You're used to fights in close quarters, I was not. I figured you would be fine. And you were."

"That's not all." Carver said suspiciously. 

"You don't believe me?"

"You knew what would happen, even if I didn't get the taint, you knew I would see the Wardens."

"I suspected." 

"Why?"

"Every night after I joined the Wardens, all I could think about was how much you would have loved it. The brotherhood, the independence. I told myself it didn't matter, you were gone and I would never know how you feel. But now we're here, and you have a choice." 

_Something I never had, she added silently._

"I’ve already made it." He said. 

Bethany didn't smile. She'd given him an out, and he’d taken it. But the Wardens weren't a soft life. 

"And what is that?" She asked, pretending she didn't already know. 

"I want to join them. I want to be a Warden"

"It won't be easy."

"Nothing has been easy, but I want this. I want to help people, make a real difference. I can't live the rest of my life in hiding, killing street criminals for gold. I want to do something real."

Bethany knew if he stayed with them, real things would happen soon enough. But she didn't tell him that, because they weren't his battles, they would be Garrett's, just as they were Marian's, and Carver would remain in the background. A bitter sidekick, forever in the shadow of his older sibling. 

For Bethany, that was fine, that was ideal. But she knew it would never be enough for Carver. 

"Are you going to come?" Carver asked. 

"I can't." Bethany said. It was the truth, and she was glad of it. Thinking about returning to that cold castle was enough to make her want to run.

"Why? You're still a Grey Warden, technically." 

"It doesn't matter. If something happens, if we find a way home, I need to be with my sister."

"But I don't need to be with my brother?" 

Bethany moved forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He was taller than she was, but she was older and wiser and stood with straight shoulders. 

“Just because he may not need you now, does not mean he never will. You and your brother are different than me and my sister, but you are still family. Be there when he needs you, but don't live your life in a shadow, it will only lead to grief." 

Carver did not shake her hand off.

"So that's it then," he said, a ghost of a smile on his lips. I finally get you back and you send me off to the Grey Wardens." 

"I'm not sending you anywhere. I'm just not stopping you."

And then Carver Hawke did something truly remarkable. He hugged her. A quick hug, but coming from Carver, that didn’t matter. 

"I'll make you proud." He promised, pushing away to look her eyes.

"You already have little brother.”

"You know technically I'm older." Carver said. 

"Not here," Bethany answered, the wrinkles around her eyes creasing as she smiled. "Not by ten years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bethany finally gets a POV chapter, just so she can ship Carver off to the wardens.
> 
> I thought about whether or not to do this a lot, because it kinda takes Carver out of the story and i love Carver, but this story really isn't about him, and although she may not be quite as involved with the world as Marian, Bethany still knows enough about the future to know what comes next and that having Carver there with 3 older siblings overshadowing him would be Bad. At least one character in this universe deserves to be happy.
> 
> Everyone wave goodbye to your favorite angsty baby brother for now, he's gotta go do darkspawn blood shots with Alistair.


	12. Garrett

Garrett walked into the hanged man the next morning, wearing nothing but his smallclothes and a robe. He got more than a few stares, but right now, he didn’t particularly care.

He walked upstairs in a daze, clutching a piece of parchment so tight that the ink had smeared into an illegible blob. It didn’t matter, there had only been a single sentence written, and Garrett had it memorized.

When he reached the top of the stairs, he turned left towards Marian’s room, instead of right for Bethany’s. He wasn’t sure why he was going to Marian at all, it would make more sense to go Bethany, or even Anders before Marian, but that’s not where his feet took him.

She knows what its like, he thought to himself, she’s already lost him.

Garrett didn’t bother knocking, he just opened the door and let the light from the hallway wake her up.

She was already awake, standing at the desk fully clothes and staring at him curiously, waiting for him to speak first.

He unfurled the paper that she couldn’t read.

_I’m leaving to join the Grey Wardens, tell mother I’m sorry._

“Carver’s gone.”

~~~

Bethany was already dressed and awake when Marian stormed into her room. In fact, it looked like she had never slept.

"Did you do this?” She thrust the letter in her sister’s face. “Did you know this would happen?"

Bethany stood up from the desk she was sitting at, but there was nothing on the table that she could have been working on. She’d just been waiting for them.

"You sent him into the deep roads on purpose, didn’t you? You told him about the Wardens?" Marian voice was angry, but her eyes just looked sad.

“I did,” Bethany answered. 

“Why?”

"If hadn't wanted to join, nothing would have happened. I showed him a possibility, but he tok his own path."

Marian didn't say another word, just stared at her sister with anger. And perhaps a bit of pity.

"This..." Garrett trailed off, “This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

The sisters turned to look at him, as if just remembering he was in the room while they bickered about his brother.

“Not for your plan I'm assuming,” Garrett said, “But it's good for Carver. He needed something that was his."

Garrett was glad Carver was gone. Just admitting that to himself made him feel guilty, because couldn’t figure out if it was because dealing with Carver was exhausting, or if he was genuinely happy Carver had found a calling. Carver was his brother, one of the last family members he had left, but after he got over the shock, all he felt was relief.

Marian, clearly, did not feel the same.

"He needed a curse? An expiration date?" she was yelling towards him, but it was Bethany the answered. 

"A cause." She said.

Garrett could tell she had rehearsed her responses.

“And what if it doesn’t work? What if he doesn’t survive the joining? What then?”

“He’ll survive.” Bethany said with certainty.

“Why?”

Garrett had a feeling they weren’t talking about the joining anymore.

“He’s strong, I know what happens during the joining and I promise you that he’ll be fine-”

“Not the damn joining!” Marian snapped, “Why did you do it? Go behind my back, lie to me about why he was going to the deep roads-“

“Lie to you?” Bethany raised her voice, “All you’ve been doing since we got here is lie to me.” She narrowed her eyes at her sister. “What were you doing in the fade sister?”

Marian seemed to deflate. She turned to Garrett and he noticed that her face was streaked with angry tears.

“Go and tell your mother about Carver,” She said. “I need to talk to my sister.”

 

Leandra didn’t take Carver’s leaving well. She fell to her knees on the hovel’s floor when Garrett told her, sobbing about how she was losing all her family.

 _Go down to the hanged man,_   _you’ll find some more, yelling at each other in the back bedroom_.

He kept his mouth shut. She’d heard enough shocking news for one day.

He didn’t see the sisters for the rest of the day. He didn’t really want to. After he convinced his mother to get back into bed, and Gamlen to not leave her, he went to the clinic. He had a good reason to go, he could see if there was any potion to help his mother sleep or he could ask Anders about Grey Warden life so he knew what was in store for Carver, but the truth was he just wanted to see him.

He wondered if Marian had ever felt this way.

She was awkward among all of his friends. _Their_ friends, in reality. He supposed he couldn’t blame her. She claimed she’d known these people for ten years, but they barely knew her name. How else was someone supposed to act?

But Anders was different. She would avoid him entirely, and when they were in the same room together Garrett would catch her staring at him. He couldn’t tell what she was feeling when she did that, if it was anger or pity or love, but it was some strong emotion. He wanted to ask her about it, but he knew what the answer would be.

“You’ll find out.” She’d say, and Garrett would wonder if he ever would. She was here, that changed the outcome of everything, and there was no way for either of them to know how this would turn out.

The whole situation made his head hurt.

He wanted to talk to Anders about it. Anders was smart and educated and had a way of explaining things to Garrett without making him feel stupid.

Anders, as usual, helped in a non direct way. He said the magic potion Garrett was looking to help Leandra forget about Carver was alcohol and gave him a flask of something potent and brown.  
Garrett didn’t leave immediately. He knew his mother needed him, but he wasn’t quite sure what to say. He was more confused than upset, but Anders tried to comfort him anyway, a kind gesture that involved plenty of awkward shoulder touching and a funny story about a patient who’s rash looked exactly like male genetalia.

Garrett asked for another flask, and drunk it on his way home.

Leandra was awake, and she was heartbroken. She’d lost both of her babies now, and although she didn’t say it, Garrett knew she blamed him for it. She loathed him for letting Carver go, and for surviving when Bethany had not. Garrett didn’t know how to comfort her, knowing that Carver was exactly where he should be, and that Bethany was a thousand paces away, probably destroying the hanged man with his own twin or doopleganger or whatever.

"What would you have named me if I'd been a girl?" Garrett asked as soon as he’d walked in the door, dumping himself loudly in a chair, and quite nearly missing it.

"What?" Leandra raised her eyebrow, spotting the bottles in his hand.

“Are you drunk?” She asked, more shocked than insulted.

“Undeniably so, care to join me?” he pulled out the second flask and offered it to her.

Leandra turned her back and left the room.

And returned a minute later with two glasses.

Garrett poured her cup, spilling a good portion on the table, but Leandra said nothing.

She threw her head back, drained the glass, and held it out for more. Garrett obliged.

“Marian,” She said at last.

Garrett wasn’t surprised.

“Why didn’t you name Bethany that?” He asked, wondering if his parents had just somehow fallen in love with the name Bethany in the two short years between their births, or if Garrett’s hunch was right.

Leandra took another sip of the brown liquor.

“There was already a Marian. You’re father insisted on naming her.”

Ah, Garrett thought. So he was right.

“You were a twin too, once. Marian never took a breath in this world, but your father still wanted to name her. So we’d have something for the grave. Her eyes were blue, like Carvers.”

“Did I kill her?” he asked. 

Leandra met his eyes. “You couldn’t have killed anyone, you were a baby. And you didn’t kill Bethany either,” she said, but they both knew she didn’t mean it.

Both of her dead babies were both down the street, and he could say nothing. 

Garrett stood up, swaying, but not falling. He was sturdy, but whatever Anders had given him was strong.

“Where are you going?” his mother asked, not rising. If she couldn’t stop him with words, she knew she couldn’t stop him at all.

“I have to go talk to somebody,” He said. He didn’t have to of course; this information didn’t really matter, not in the grand scheme of things. But he wanted Marian to know.

Gamlen came out of his room, smelling the liquor Garrett had left on the table.

Garrett walked towards the exit, turning back to face them before he opened the door.

“Mother, don’t worry about Carver. I’m sure he’ll make you proud.”

“He was my son. He already had.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
